I truly believe that in life there is no such thing as a ‘try’, you either do or you don’t, life is drawing without a sketch. You do your best, you make your choices and you learn from them, never regretting what you did, because it all goes to the big pile of lessons learned that will always help you got the next mile. But, when the hard moments happen, we all ask the quintessential question: why? And I have come to a peace with life, there is always a why, but there might never be a verbalization of the reason. At the end, we know that the difficult times have to happen, when we are in the midst of the pain we do not know why, because that answer happens later, when you look back, when you see the path, when you realize that without those moments you would not be where you are now. It is the process where we all come from being green and shiny to be a bundle of colors,n and shiny as well, just not with the brad new shine; it is the shine of a light of wisdom that only comes with experience.
It took me 11 years, but I have come to an understanding of the biggest why I have ever confronted myself with in my existence. I am sure there are why’s I have now that will only be answered in years to c0me, or might remain unanswered for the lives to come, but today I know why 11 years have passed, why things happened the way they did and why we had to remain the way we did, it was the only way to be if we wanted to appreciate this feeling today.
It feels a little odd and I even find myself a little afraid of this as well. Can you imagine feeling as you did 11 years ago? now you understand why it is a little bit scary at times. Imagine experiencing emotions like time has not passed over them, where distance, directions and decisions that went in every other way did not affect that precious gift; just like days have not passed because the feeling remains as intense and as fresh as the day it was born. Can you also imagine having the exact same elements in your life as you did 11 years ago? Same style of job, same feeling of youth, same exhilarating moments when you feel the breeze of the spring mornings that bring a sense of renewal. Was I meant to be here? where those mornings 11 years ago, rolling a different window in a different geography a mirror of the same emotion that I feel today?
But one thing for sure has changed: me. Let me put that better, I have not changed, I have just evolved. It is me, the same dreamer, the same lover, the same free spirit, just wiser, just filled with more colors and with a shine that is 20 times bigger than that brand new one from years ago. It is me, but I believe in who I am, I have accepted who I am and I feel much better. It is me but with more freedom, to be and to let be, letting go of my old ways and seeing life with more patient eyes, understanding that it is not worth controlling and expecting, just enjoying how life unfolds and living every minute with plenitude and not fear. It is me, 11 years later and today I feel 11 years younger.
Some times people ask you if you could go back in time and be 10, 15, 20 years younger with the knowledge you have today, if you would do it. Many people jump to the answer and scream ‘yes’, imagine what you would be able to do knowing what you know today. But you know what? I have today exactly that same feeling, like I had a do over and I am 25 again. Instead of a mountain, I have a concrete building, and even though it is not an eternal spring, I am enjoying it as it has been here forever. Maybe life is giving me the opportunity of doing it all again, maybe I am that lucky, maybe I did win the life lottery.
… Maybe it is just the force of destiny…
Stay tuned!
Maple Papaya 